Qualitative Bullets: UGA Edition

There's no sense in trying to muster a self-centered narrative about my feelings on the game. It was frustrating. So, bullet me.

-After the first drive, didn't it feel like Auburn would lay half a hundred on the scoreboard? Give credit where credit is due: Willie Martinez. UGA fans everywhere just buried their head in their hands.

-I haven't seen it in print anywhere, but have thought this all year. Chris Todd has extremely odd body mechanics when throwing. His back leg collapses, and it gives the appearance that he throws off his back foot. Many times this year he's done it, I cringe, yet he completes the pass.

-Lee Ziemba: you're an elite talent on the offensive line. Act like it. On the last drive, I can't believe he didn't know the snap count. Therefore it follows that he jumped out of his stance early in fear of getting beat by the end. This has happened too often. Trust yourself Mr. Ziemba.

-These procedural penalties are getting old. Kodi's 3rd down pass to Zachery worked like magic, except for the yellow laundry that negated the play. I know Malzahn reps these pseudo trick plays--I use the modifier because in Malzahn's offense, nothing is really a trick, because it's sort of all a trick, I swear that made sense in my head--so the procedural penalties that accompany them is tiresome to say the least.

-Relatedly, down 14-17, 3rd and 3, Malzahn calls the formation with Lee Ziemba split out wide. I know, I know. It probably wasn't executed correctly, and Georgia got tremendous pressure on Todd. But really, would a draw to Tate, swing pass to Fannin, buck sweep, or even speed sweep to McCalebb have been so bad? My 9th grade English teacher used to tell us KISS. Keep It Simple Stupid. I'm still firmly aboard the Malzahn bandwagon, and will probably never get off, but that was a huge missed opportunity.

-Wes Byrum, thank you for the Groza-esque performance this year. We missed you last year. Great to have you back.

-My memory could be betraying me, but it seems like Neiko Thorpe has been burnt deep badly in the last few weeks. One Joe Cox throw into the end zone that went incomplete saw Thorpe trailing his man, the incompletion was not a result of Thorpe's coverage. And the 3rd and 16 catch by Tavarres King cannot be overestimated in terms of importance. If not for the depleted depth--NOT ELTORO TOO--I might even advocate putting Demond Washington in over Thorpe.

-Georgia's front four really played well in the second half, pressuring Todd more and saving their secondary's hindquarters. In the first half, Todd carved up the UGA secondary. The second half was different because of Georgia's d-line play.

-Can a fanbase feel more strange about a victory? Not only did UGA win, but Willie Martinez acquitted himself well in the Bumbling Fool (Martinez) v. Mad Scientist (Malzahn) matchup.

-After yet another botched punt catch, I was all for Donald Trumping Demond Washington and enlisting Trooper Taylor himself to catch punts. Then, Washington exploded on that kickoff return. Keep him back there, he's the most explosive and competent option.

-Joe Cox passed the eye test. I know his completion percentage wasn't great, but he made plays at key moments and that deep ball on the aforementioned 3rd and 16 play was beautiful.

-Washaun Ealey=stud.

-Kodi Burns has thrown, run for, and now caught a TD. Count me as someone that thought the whole, "Kodi will still have a role in this offense" was a PR thing. Glad he's made a tangible impact this year.

-On Todd's 2 picks. Unfortunately, football is football and the law of averages catches up to you after a while. His arm getting hit on one play was tough. The route miscommunication between him and Darvin Adams was bad too. Sadly, these things happen in football and they are less a referendum on Todd's ability than random occurrences that are bound to happen as the sample size gets larger. Anyone jumping on the 'start Neil Caudle bandwagon' following this game needs to have their head checked.

-That being said, the pick in the 4th quarter when driving to go up 31-24 was crippling. Duh.

-Mario, the crossing pattern was a tough catch. But you are the designated tough guy for this team. That's why the coaches called that play, because they trust you to make the grab. Tough play that needs to be made.

-Bacarri Rambo, all good thoughts and wishes your way. Heal quickly, you're a stud.

-UGA won the 'explosive play' contest which was almost as important as winning the turnover battle. Which, if you missed it--I'm sure you didn't--UGA won 2 to 0.


War Eagle. Maybe some quantitative bullets will follow.

The Times, They Have A-Changed

Suck it, UGA (the mascot, not the school)

I grew up in Georgia, and while by no means I lived on the banks of the Okefenokee, I still dealt with a fair share of good ole boys. The sidewalk alumni, as many of my Auburn brethren like to label Bama' fans, permeated every level of education I pursued before college. Most of my cohorts loved UGA football for little reason beyond their friends doing so. Ridicule followed me whenever I sported the Auburn emblem and questions like, 'Why not love the Dawgs'?' rung in my ears like the terrible Wilson Phillips songs my sister insisted on blaring in the car. My attitude towards UGA gradually escalated from general indifference, to mild dislike, to out and out hatred. The out and out hatred was illustrated best in 2002 watching Michael Johnson rip my heart out and seething in a hotel lobby for 20 minutes to myself. I had seen one play in the game. That one. To this day I ask you Horace Willis, why did you not jump? The number of phone calls I received immediately after that play cannot be quantified. In those moments, my hatred was set in stone.

Through college, my attitude changed for a few reasons.

1)Athens is actually a pretty great town. This is a fact, not an opinion.

2)The phone calls after the 2003 game, weren't nearly as plentiful as the 2002 game. I credit this to losing contact with many people that never attended the school, and the majority of UGA students/grads being fairly reasonable people.

3)Actually experiencing the Iron Bowl, and especially the hooha over Nick Saban, made me loathe, despise, and hate everything about the University of Alabama.

Now, this game holds less importance for me. It's no longer an indefensible loss as I don't have to face the unintelligent masses barking (literally) at me for 3 days after the game.

But, what of the 2009 contest? Last year's game should have been a gimme for UGA. Their offense averaged 6.8 yards per play for the year; Auburn's averaged 4.5. In short, there's no way it should have been the slug fest it turned out to be. All signs this year point to an OK Corral Massacre of Defenses. UGA fans hope for this because:

A)They believe this can result in a victory

B)Auburn's offense could drive another nail in the seemingly impregnable coffin of Willie Martinez by hanging a big number on the Sanford Stadium scoreboard.

Assumptions:

1)UGA's defense will not allow Auburn's offense to average more than 5.5 yards per play. UGA's defense has laid 2 eggs. First, against Arkansas, where the egg was not nearly as large as the 7.4 (!) yards per play allowed against that offensive destroyer of worlds, Tennessee. Exclude those games and they have allowed no more than 5.2 yards per play to any team they've played including Florida. Even the 37 points South Carolina laid on them was more a product of them running 83 plays than giving up an inordinate amount of yardage.

2)Auburn's defense cannot suck the way it did against LSU. I know Ted Roof said, "Well here's what happened. They had five plays for about an average of 32 yards a play, and they had 61 plays for about 3 yards a play." Well Ted, that's kind of like Ralph Branca saying if he hadn't thrown the certain pitch he did to Bobby Thompson, the Giants would not have won the pennant. The parallels between the LSU game and this one are closer than you think. It's a road game in a large, loud environment. There is cautious optimism about the result. There is a large amount of talent on both sides of the ball for the opponent. UGA's offense is above average. What exactly will this translate to against an average-at-best Auburn defense? Who knows. As far as anything of substance, I hope Richt gets itchy and plays Logan Gray. QB contain hasn't been Auburn's strongest point, but I'll say I'd be more worried if Aaron Murray jogs out onto the field* than if I see Gray lining up under center.

3)Auburn's offense must own. No Kentucky like no show will work. Auburn's sporting a 5.68 yard per play metric against SEC teams. This is somewhat skewed by the 8.3 monster put up against Miss. State, so remove that and you've got a 5.15 number to look at. Somewhere in the middle is what to expect. What to want? Well obviously more.

4)UGA needs A.J. Green is dominate. I don't have any cool stat or thought on this. He's just damn good.

I know the yards per play thing has dominated this post, but if you go back and look game by game at Auburn's season, it passes the eye test.

Auburn-Miss State: The American Muscle (Auburn) dusted the cheesy Import (Miss St.). (8.3 to 6.2)

Auburn-West Va: Veronica (West Va) is smokin' hot, how did Melissa (Auburn) win Prom Queen? (5.4 to 6.4)

Auburn-UT: She(Auburn) let herself go towards the end. (5.5 to 5.6)

Auburn-Arkansas: Wait, how close was it? (5.9 to 6.0)

Auburn-Kentucky: Captain Obvious (4.3 to 5.0)

Auburn-LSU: Kind of like the back and forth between Chris Farley and Adam Sandler in Billy Madison. "No you didn't" (7.5(!) to 4.1)

Auburn-Ole Miss: Well, that looks exactly what I thought it'd look like. (6.0 to 5.3)

Hopefully that provides enough evidence to represent my enjoyment of the per play metric. If not, I frankly don't care. Just win, Auburn

War Damn Eagle.

*I'm fully aware the likelihood of this happening is somewhere between George W. Bush saying 'nuclear' correctly, and Mark Richt birthing a child at halftime.

Tex Winter and the Zen Paradox

Mr. Winter, meet the readers. Both of them.

I caught this little nugget this morning from a J.A. Adande article:

"You are only a success at the moment that you do a successful act."

The quote is attributed to Tex Winter, the legendary Triangle offense architect. Did Phil Jackson get his Zen leanings from Winter, Winter from Jackson, or some blend of the in-between? Interesting question and I'm sure the answer is out there in some Jacksonian piece of media, but I digress.

The quote is infinitely fascinating for a number of reasons. The fact that Jackson and Winter have injected this Zen-lite, ethereal philosophy into the largely reactive minds of professional basketball players for nearly two decades is astounding. If you want to be a cynic, I'll point you to this picture. As they say, the proof is in the pudding. How much of that pudding comes from philosophical lectures? Probably not a lot. My real fascination with this quote is two-fold.

First, in sports, performances are scrutinized, conceptualized, and deified more quickly, deftly (sometimes), and sardonically than any other professional vehicle. Trends, stats, and scouting reports are distributed and formulated based on hours of study and labor. The adjectives good, great, and transcendent are routinely bestowed on individuals based not on the single success as Winter references here, but repeated successes. It's how a player's value is gauged, money is made, and victories are attained. In the ego-centric culture of the NBA, Winter and Jackson have persistently fed this way of thought to athletes.

Secondly, the paradox. Being a success in limited action and in the context of Winter's quote seemingly negates the notion of long term success, and accordingly greatness. Skill is illusory, success exists only in glimpses, and for that reason trends should not be paid attention and statistics are rendered meaningless. Damn the torpedoes! Josh Smith, hoist another ill-advised outside jumper! Chris Todd, throw another deep ball into triple coverage! Bobby Cox, put Greg Norton in once more to prove his worth in the late innings! Hyperbole, the preceding few sentences. I understand the context of the quote. You are nowhere but where you are on every play and can only exceed expectations insofar as that moment allows. A career of transcendence is a myth, transcend hundreds of moments, and then you'll grasp greatness. As a motivational tactic, I can how Winter's quote succeeds. As a philosophy though, it's just mind numbing.

Now that I've devolved far enough, I'll come to the point. For all the Zen touting Phil Jackson has done over the years, it has little to do with his success. Ten championships--SEE! SUCCESS IS THE SUM OF EXPERIENCES!!--have come largely due to two factors. Stellar basketball acumen and superior talent. True, Jackson played a part in equipping Jordan, Shaq, and Kobe, but surely that had more to do with court time than motivational quips. The moniker of 'Zen Master' is the most annoying nickname in the history of sports. That is all.

War Eagle Now, War Eagle Tomorrow, War Eagle Forever

Thanks for those words Mr. Wallace

It's here. Months of mystery will be replaced by four hours of answers. The questions are endless, so much so that it's virtually impossible to have them all answered. Is Todd's arm really better? Will we see the same vanilla 1st game offense as with the old coaching staff? Will the defense have to pull kids out of the student section to play linebacker? And most importantly, will we win?

This game reminds me a lot of Tuberville's first game as a head coach. App State was a competent, smaller team. The Good Ole Boys' I shared the upper deck with thought we should've hung half a hundred on them, but we simply weren't that good, and they simply weren't that bad. Ask Michigan about the App State program for clarification. I believe, undoubtedly, we'll win. But, I greet this game with cautious pessimism. A walkover it won't be. La Tech is legit. They aren't afraid, and they are old. With their senior laden team, it's easy to draw the parallel to the George Mason Final Four team. A large majority of their team has played together for 3 years, and have played in atmospheres similar to Jordan-Hare. Intimidated, they won't be. On another hand, our offense will be better than the 08' debacle. How do I know? I used a very scientific method called, "I Watch A Lot of Football, and Offense is Not Nearly As Difficult as Auburn 08' Made It Appear". Translation: it really can't be any worse. Apathy has been replaced by zeal. Confusion replaced by clarity. The results will translate accordingly.

The defense will have a handful of bad plays. That will happen with the dearth of healthy individuals, an offense that aims to play Usain Bolt style, and a dash of inexperience. But, at the end of the day the gladiators named Coleman, Bynes, and McFadden will be unfazed at the trash being thrown at them by the Techie's. 4-3, Nickel, Dime: it matters not which defense Auburn chooses, at some point talent wins out. La Tech isn't a middling team with a Deandre Brown playing wide out. They'll be solid, but not spectacular. They'll mount a challenge, a la 99' App State. But at the end of the day, they'll fail. War Eagle.

Auburn-27 La Tech-13

Crickets...

I guess it's ok.

It ended with a maddening thud. After all the hoo-ha about the quarterback competition and all the potential excitement you could glean from the monotone coachspeak regarding said competition, we're left with Chris Todd. Chris Todd. Let that marinate for a second. I've let it sit for a few hours, and still come to the same conclusion. Chris Todd as Auburn's quarterback is about as exciting as watching the pig contest at the fair.

The competition had so much promise. Even if I professed my preference for Caudle, I still could have been every bit as excited about 2009: The Renaissance of Kodi Burns. Now, we'll be treated to Will It or Won't It: The Odyssey of Chris Todd's Shoulder. The theme for this offseason has been Dr. Malzahn or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying About Auburn's Quarterback Situation, and to be clear I'm not worried. Gus Malzahn has forgotten more football than I know. The guy walks around with an IV of the blackest coffee in the southeast and probably takes more caffeine pills than Jessie Spano. Malzahn is on edge, on point, and in control. He's intelligent, measured, and most importantly, not Tony Franklin. That alone gives me confidence. But to meet this news with anything more than a shrug of the shoulders is to possess the positive outlook gene in spades.

Now we sit, a paltry 20 something days from kickoff. Alumni are making their plans to visit the Plains, freshman still can't believe they just saw Ben Tate on campus, and people are getting ready to smoke some meat. On September 5th, Chris Todd will be Auburn's quarterback. In three weeks, I'll have moved past the acceptance phase and will actually exhibit some passion when arguing about his competency as a quarterback. The excitement will be there when they kick-off. The crickets, will be drowned out.

Subliminal Messages by the Black Eyed Peas

That's the only logical explanation for, "I Gotta Feeling," being a top 40 song. You know when you read an article in the paper and think, "wow, I now feeling less intelligent." That's this song. Fortunately, I'm unable to embed it.

I gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night
that tonight’s gonna be a good night
that tonight’s gonna be a good good night (x4) !4 times!

Tonight’s the night night
Let’s live it up
I got my money
Let’s spend it up

Go out and smash it
like Oh My God
Jump off that sofa
Let’s get get OFF

I know that we’ll have a ball
if we get down
and go out
and just loose it all

I feel stressed out
I wanna let it go
Lets go way out spaced out
and loosing all control

Fill up my cup
Mazal tov
Look at her dancing
just take it off

Lets paint the town
We’ll shut it down
Let’s burn the roof
and then we’ll do it again

Lets Do it (x3)
and live it up

i gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night
that tonight’s gonna be a good night
that tonight’s gonna be a good good night (x2)

Simply stunning.

They Said It On The Radio...

"Tim McGraw's new single, 'It's a Business Doing Pleasure With You,' was co-written by Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger. As if Tim needed any more credibility." -nameless DJ on 94.9 the Bull